Mommying BabyT

Mommy T's adventures; bringing up Baby T

Y is for the Y Chromosome

Today’s maybe a slightly sensational topic. But I would urge you to read my entire blog post before you make a judgement about the word for today’s #AtoZbloggingChallenge – #Yisfor the #Ychromosome

For the longest time in, our culture predominantly, it was believed that a woman was the determinant of the sex of the child I.e. a male or female child. So if it was a female child that was born, it was totally the mother’s fault. Her body and uterus messed up.

Science and basic genetics then taught us that it wasn’t actually the mother’s DNA but that of the father which determined whether the child would be male or female. So the mother’s egg carried two X chromosomes. And the father’s sperm cells carried an X and a Y chromosome.  When one chromosome from the mother met another from the father a child was born. And if X met X then it would be a female child and if X and Y met it would be a male child. So it was the Y chromosome who was the hero/ culprit then.

However my post today is not about more power to the female child or to pledge my support to the girl child or to speak up about the unequal gender ratio. It is to make a case in point for the one who inherited the Y chromosome – the male child.

I am not a very girly girl myself. Pink is not my favourite colour. I didn’t enjoy playing with dolls. I’d much rather run around and play boy games like cricket or shoot em’up video games. Mortal Kombat was my favourite. I grew up with a younger brother around… I was more influenced by him in terms of my choice of music, movies or other aspects. I had more boy friends than girls. I was more comfortable around boys in my class/ work than girls.

So even before I became pregnant I knew I was perfect to be a boy mommy. I always envisioned a baby to be a baby boy, because I had seen my baby brother from such close quarters. And then came my son babyT. Somehow I knew I was having a baby boy when I was pregnant.  However my husband, as most of the daddies too, would have loved to have a girl so I would have loved for that to come true.

But what I didn’t know was the way people looked at you if you are a boy mommy. The feelings range from “Oh you must be happy it’s a boy.” to “how sad. Girls are so much better.” to ” are you going to try again for a girl?”

This was further fuelled by silly forwards on Facebook and WhatsApp proclaiming “Blessed is the home where the first born is a girl.” Is my home not blessed enough for having a boy? And then there’s that viral message – “it’s daughter’s week. Daughters are this and daughters are that. Fortunate ones have daughters.” First of all daughters week doesn’t exist. Even if it did it doesn’t come alive fifty times in a year. And lastly you do know that there are businesses which make and sell forwarded messages to mobile and data operator companies right?

To all of these attempts I just want to say, I remember a time when I was not able to have a child. I remember a time when I had almost given up. I remember a time when I felt choked, depressed and upset on mothers day when the whole family and friends WhatsApp group was wishing and congratulating each other. Having a child – any child, a male or female seemed like a bleak possibility and I would have given anything just to see those two pink lines.

I also remember a time when I was busy making a career and not wanting to have a child at that point in my life. I remember making a note to myself to live an independent life where I didn’t depend on my progeny to support me financially or emotionally. How then is having a girl child supposed to make my life better? Do we have children so that they will support and look after us in our old age? It makes more economical sense to not have a child, save all that money and use it to provide for you in the greys of your life actually. (Once an economist, always an economist)

Why are we either black or white about this? Why are we shaming the mother for having a boy baby now? For the longest time we needed a public service message like “Save the girl child” and now we treat “Having a boy” like the parents are really unfortunate.

I feel guilty if i praise or think highly of my son for some small achievement of his, as I wonder if people will judge me for being a person who feels that male babies are superior . Can I not be proud of my baby for what he is without this feeling?

Can we stop this please? Can we just accept the child for what he or she is? Can we understand that there was little the pregnant couple could do to choose the gender of their child?

Are you a boy mommy? Have you been asked or told silly statements just because you did not have a girl child?

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5 Comments

  1. Great post! Even I’ve written about this though in a bit of a different vein about how apparently “I am lucky I have a boy”. Wish this stupid comparison would just end. Babies are blessings and that’s it.

  2. Hey! I have two boys and I get so many sympathetic looks and comments and so many say aren’t you trying for a girl? Girls are so much better. Truth be told when I was pregnant second time around and people said you must be praying for a girl I really wasn’t because I always thought having kids of the same gender will be fun for them and easier for me. And I have to say it! I just thoroughly enjoy having my house ful of boys !! And yes if I had two girls I am sure I would have loved it as much too! Nice post

  3. This is the Nth time i am reading this Tara. Everytime someone gives me comments similar to the ones mentioned on the blog, i come back running here and read it all over again. Many hugs to you for bringing this up.

  4. I loved reading this blog! Your take and connectivity to the Y is just fantastic!! Genuinely loved every bit in here 🙂

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